I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
