moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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