So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize