hell yes lets make some ravioli
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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