I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
