apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
