come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
