We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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