Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
