I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
