For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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