oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He has the fingertips of a God
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
