my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
