Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
