I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
