I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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