Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
