somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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