I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
where are my eyebrows?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
