It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize