I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize