I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
