his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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