I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
