Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize