Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize