I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
