bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
