Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
