Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
