About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
