How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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