Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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