Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
