Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you didnt know i had herpes?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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