I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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