So drunk its hurt
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize