There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
