They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
