Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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