I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my being single is dangerous.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
