I wish I only lived at night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
