don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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