Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
