at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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