I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
so much tequila, so little girl.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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