I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize