I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
