Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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