i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
