Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
