woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
