Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you had me at cake vodka
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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