i just made my gag reflex go away.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
