atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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