my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm always down for nudity.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
