just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
