Got a toothbrush?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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