his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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