yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
