I can text with my tongue
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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