We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
