I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
