we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
