you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
