she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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