ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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