I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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