Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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