The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
