The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
