someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
