I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
