Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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