separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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