Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
