There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The best revenge is premature balding
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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