So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
