Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
