how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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