It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
