do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
