Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
