She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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