I can text with my tongue
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
