you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
