so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
