I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
