Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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