Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
