I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
