i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
