She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
