if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize