Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize