as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
