Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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