i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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