You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
