Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize