How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
