Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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