Umm I'm too high to move.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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