no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
