and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize