God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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